I just saw a hot homeless man
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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