he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
