I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
