Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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