I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
