VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
