I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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