hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize