singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
