I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
