I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
