nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
