All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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