The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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