Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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