I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
