woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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