For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
