you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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