i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
