They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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