Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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