I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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