Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
