Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
