Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize