I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
