so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You made out with two different species that night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
