You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
