Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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