Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
