you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize