we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There r osticjed everywhere
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
