i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize