I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
