what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
