so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
