When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I lost the right to judge tonight
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
