I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
