the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Terrible idea I love it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
