Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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