If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
