Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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