We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize