Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
