I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
