I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
