wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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