Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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