So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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