Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There r osticjed everywhere
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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