I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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