is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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