she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
