I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
