I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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