I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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