trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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