Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just gift wrapped bread.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
