Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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