We're like a lot better than the average bears
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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