youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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