I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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