Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think people are normalizing furries
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
