'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize