2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
