Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
jump out the window naked night went bad
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