He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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