this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
