Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
