im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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