we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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