fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
