I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
