I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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