hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
