I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
