If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
