so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
