you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
