Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize