Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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