i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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