Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
