If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
