We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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