State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
