I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
