Apparently you make a good broom.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
