Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
