I hope mine doesn't look like that
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I FOUND THE LEGS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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