that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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