Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
