FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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