I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
