You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
