maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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