Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
